Referring back to the ex mentoned in the first “ex” series post and continuing: as a result of being so completely dumped, out of my broken heart I heavily consulted Google. I had, in two hours, figured out the attachment workings behind my relationship, and there were so many articles that hit it spot on. It was textbook anxious/avoidant. And then something happened to me: algorithms.
Those algorithms targeted my Facebook page and I got all kinds of advertisements for “how to get my ex back”. In my heartache, I consulted these articles. Most of it was riffing on the themes of “get a life”, “have self-esteem”, “be an interesting person”. But most of it was bullshit. You can’t GET your ex back through contorting yourself into someone you are not in order to WIN the prize of what, someone who doesn’t want you? That’s totally fucked up, bitches.
I call this the “baby hamster theory of men”. We as women, and as a culture, behave as if men are dull, hapless baby hamsters, prone to wandering off at the barest whiff of a new hot babe, or perhaps even an old babe. They can be enticed out of their little cubbies to come play with us through using womanly charm and manipulation. We simply need to have the key that unlocks their emotional life. The onus is always on us to do it. It’s our burden to bear. Then we can catch them and they are ours forever! Someone we had to convince to love us, using the Rules, the Power of the Pussy, and playing hard to get. How pathetic is that? At no time do we reflect back the truth of themselves or ourselves, that we are worth being chosen, that we are worth choosing fully.
Another truth is, we make choices. People hide behind all kinds of excuses: I’m not ready. I’m confused. I’m not over my ex. No, bitches. We choose to put into relationship, or not. We cannot change any of what someone else feels about us. The prize is mutual interest, not entering into a dance of being good enough for someone, which is what those sites tell you to do. It’s an illusion that you can change a man’s heart.
Change your heart instead to be open to kind men and not emotionally unavailable assholes, or fucktards. Tell rejecting men in your heart to fuck off..they are the ones not good enough. Let them live with themselves and be happy in someone else’s arms. Be happy, cocksuckers. We have our own happiness to consider.
And so I took my own advice an became a proper bitch. I had toyed with the idea of being friends with this man, for I am not the type to leave a hateful, bitter trail, and if two people aren’t right for each other, then they aren’t right, no harm done, let’s get a drink every few months and no biggie if we run into each other in social situations. But after a few months of brief, intermittent texting, I realized that I was being stupid. Hadn’t he already made it clear that he didn’t want me? What was I trying to do? Keep the door open “just in case” as if he would change and suddenly become emotionally available? Fucked up. And FINALLY, FINALLY, I was properly pissed off. So after sending him a text about the DNC an some items of mine he still had, I sent him this message: “You know, it’s weird talking to you. I thought at one time we would be friends but now I realize that’s just not possible.” Then I sent an email expressing the things I hadn’t expressed before. Bam. Energy cleared. Now I’m open for business (well, sort of, but that is another blog post!)
So fuck getting your ex back, unless you haven’t learned what you need to learn from that person.