Part of dealing with one’s own anger is that it has a ripple effect. It ripples in your own perception and understanding of things, and it rays out into the world. You realize that if you have been victimized by a fucktard in your personal intimate relationship, it makes it easier for a fucktard boss to exist, for a fucktard politician to exist, for a fucktard system to exist, and for a fucktard world to exist. It ripples out. Conversely, anger about a fucktard rays out too, and it must be handled like the holy thing it is.
Our anger is a protective state. It tells us when boundaries have been crossed, flares when we are not being heard, rises when we have been subjugated in some way, and flames in response to threat of loved ones or ourselves. However, in our culture’s demonization and deep-seated fear of feelings, especially anger, the anger of a woman is severely and consistently invalidated. Women are called crazy, liars, or are subversively undermined in response to their anger.
Often I have been accused of being contemptuous or cruel for honestly calling out Fucktard’s behavior. The cruelty, in my book, is being dishonest and allowing Fucktard to be dishonest. It is not an act of cruelty to point out his abuse or to ask him to clarify his contradictions. Sweeping shit under the rug is a recipe for continued sickness.
Fucktard’s actions use anger as a weapon, with deliberate intention to hurt. This is where the lines get blurred.People get angry and hurt others and the fear is justified. I have allowed my own anger to blind me and cut off my better judgment. I lashed out and caused great damage. My anger was completely justifiable; my actions were not. I had to change how I dealt with my own anger, and allowing it to fester by denying it is no way to live. Instead, turning toward the parts of me that were angry and allowing them to mobilize so I could make a good change was essential.
We are never required to sacrifice our anger on the altar of someone’s denial or comfort. We can speak with purpose and clear intention, letting the part of us that is angry grant us clarity of mind and courage from the heart. We are never required to be dishonest with fucktards by stuffing our feelings. They won’t hear you but so what? You get to have a voice.