There are three roads to hell: Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust, and Don’t Feel.
When you have been with a fucktard, you will get mixed messages from the rest of the world about what you are supposed to do. Some people vehemently insist that you continue to not rock the boat, that you remain silent and oppressed, that you sweep it under the rug, or that you pretend it didn’t happen and move on. Moving on seems to be a big piece of advice. That and the all-popular “letting go”.
Fuck that. All of that serves to protect fucktards from their heinous and grievous behavior. Don’t do that. Talk, and find safe places to talk. You can’t talk to everyone, because some people will take fucktard’s side. Leave those people to their ignorance and go talk up a storm to people who will lovingly listen. And talk as long as you need to. Talk for YEARS. You’ve been through hell. You’ve been through enough of “don’t talk” hell. Now is the time to get out of hell by talking.
Psycholobitch firmly believes in affirming a woman’s experiences. Talking and being given validation is honey for your heart. It takes you to the healing place.
“Don’t Trust” is another big road to hell, although it is more subversive. We may have been taught to trust people who offer superficial demonstrations of support, but whose actions cannot be congruent with their words. In a subtle way, we are therefore taught not to trust. But what we are taught not to trust is our own intuition…our own guiding Self. We may see all the crazy behind the glittering facade but not want to quite believe it or say anything about it. We start to think WE are the crazy ones, and are often told we ARE crazy.
Learning to trust one’s inner guidance and listen to those “still, small voices” is imperative. It is the road out of invalidating “don’t trust” hell.
And finally, “Don’t Feel” is the biggest, easiest road to hell there is. Our whole culture is structured around “don’t feel” messages. We have a society that largely values intellect and being in your “head.” Hence, all of us, to some degree, are unsure as to what to do with our feelings. Heck, I remember a time when I felt so fucked up I couldn’t even NAME a feeling, much less even acknowledge it was there. Thank God I have been on the path of learning, naming, and validating my feelings. Internal Family Systems therapy has been a godsend for that, and so much deeper healing.
Feel your beautiful, precious feelings. Be alive in your heart and soul. Grieve what has been lost, love with a truthful heart, and feel all the grace and gratitude that lies in your anger, your sadness, your righteousness, your indignance, your love, your happiness, and your pain. These are the truth and lead you to relate with others and the world. We NEED our feelings.
Coming out of hell is no easy task. It is worth the journey, though, to not stay stuck in the burning pain of “don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel”.