I am a therapist. I believe most of the work happens outside of the therapy room and I believe in assigning homework. I try and assign homework that seems to fit with someone’s personality or way of operating in the world; otherwise its probably futile. I have often rolled my eyes when people talk about writing letters and never sending them. As though one little letter could release a lifetime of emotional pain and grief connected to a relationship with another human being. And please whatever you do, don’t ask me to burn the letter. How ridiculous to think that some ritualistic symbolic act could somehow erase such deep emotional pain.
I have a therapist whom I admire; the first one ever actually. She is really talented, genuine and kind. It’s not like the others weren’t or that I was consciously evaluating them, it’s just that I didn’t really feel any better or change after leaving their office. I sought their services as a last resort; I was desperate for something or someone outside of myself to fix me. So imagine my shock when this woman, this helper of mine asked me to do the unimaginable…….to write a series of “Mom Letters.”
For you savy Psycholobitch readers, you now know my deep seated emotional issues stem from my relationship, or lack thereof with my mother. An “insecure attachment” might be the clinical jargon or “mother issues” probably makes more sense to most. So, as I roll my eyes at this horrific task ahead of me, I now realize my irritation is actually anger and it protects me from the fear and sadness of facing my grief head on. I know this largely due to the time spent with this woman who has assigned the aforementioned “Mom Letters.”
Since I’m facing my fear, I have decided to do it in a big way; the Psycholobitch way. These letters are going to be written publicly (although anonymous), boldly, honestly, and sometimes angrily. Most importantly, these letters are gonna be MY letters which means no one can tell me what to say or do. Does this give you a little more insight into these mother issues of mine bitches? I’m going to write to save my life and perhaps breathe new life into the parts of me that have been wounded by not having the mother I needed. I hope my words can somehow help others with their own mother wounds and if these letters actually work, I’ll be a better mama because of them. Unfortunately, I’m gonna need all the help I can get.