Can you play with me? Can you talk to me a while? I know there is so much to do with taking care of a home and children but I just want my mommy for a while. We could just sit and play with Mandy and Jenny or Baby Beth or maybe outside in the dirt with the boy’s GI Joe’s. I need a playmate mommy and you are the only one I want.
Can I try and dress myself mommy? Just once I want to pick out something from my drawer or closet. I see you pick out my clothing. It seems to make you so happy. I want to see what that is like mommy. What are choices mommy? Can you help me figure out how to make them? I see your joy when I look and act like your sweet little angel. I could still be your sweet little angel if I made choices. Can I help with chores mommy? I know I can’t do it as good as you but I want to learn how to cook and clean and wash clothes. Thank you for teaching me how to make my bed mommy.
I’m scared mommy. I’m scared when you are not with me. You were gone one night and daddy kept pouring brown liquid into his glass. I was playing by the fireplace and all of the sudden red stuff was gushing from my head. Daddy was talking on the phone. I tried to be quiet but daddy saw and rushed me to the hospital. I wanted my mommy so much. I think daddy hurt me mommy; maybe just once and it may have been a dream but he carried me upstairs after I fell asleep on the couch. I could smell the brown liquid strong and he seemed to not know what he was doing. I was quiet like you like me to be.
I’m so mad mommy, but I know I’m not supposed to be. Mad little girls are bad and I don’t want to be bad. I want my mommy to love me. I want you to be happy. I never want to make you cry. I am sad too mommy but don’t worry I won’t get any tears on the pretty outfit you bought me. I’m scared at dancing school mommy. I know it makes you happy for me to dance but I don’t know what to do and have to look at the other girls. When I see others laughing I feel that I must be so stupid. I just want my mommy.
I’m confused mommy. I don’t know why I keep wetting the bed but I know it makes you angry. I’m sorry I am not your perfect sweet little angel. I sometimes am dreaming that I am going to the bathroom but wake up just as I realize I am lying in my bed. It is too late because that stupid bell you hooked up to my bed is going off and now the whole house is awake and knows how stupid I am.
I’m so sad mommy. The boys tease me all the time. I am a joke to them. Why did you let them trick me into thinking there was someone named “little joe” who kept calling me while we were eating dinner? Why did you let them laugh after I made desert for the whole family from that special children’s cookbook that you gave me? I just wanted to cry in your arms mommy but I made you happy instead and stuffed it down inside.
I love you mommy. I have lots of feelings but I try to hide them. I think this makes me invisible to you. You can decide how I feel. This seems to make you happy mommy. I know you love me because I am the baby girl you always wanted. You wanted me so much that you didn’t believe them when they told you I was a girl. You named me after your Grandmother who adored you. Now she adores me too.
Thank you for taking care of me mommy. You never let me cry. You always tried to protect me. You don’t have to protect me from my feelings. I just need help expressing them. You could hold me while I cry and hug me tight. I have many feelings and I just want my mommy.
Your little girl