cunt power · empowerment · Onward and upward

Imprisonment

Once I was ignored, no, always I was ignored. I memory collected rock faces, cold shoulders, steel walls.

It broke me.

What I learned was to listen well to what was not being said.

What I opened my heart to was feeling words,

giving them weight, letting them settle into earthen ears

and be real.

They are real.

Once, no, a thousand times, I was condescended to. I was not smart. I was not good enough. I was invisible.

It broke me. And it angered me.

What I learned was the legato cadence of lies,

the seductive tones of deception.

What I opened my heart to was that I make my own names.

I am no lie-names anyone says.

I am my own name and country, my own address and street.

Once, no, more than several times I was told to let go. You don’t get it. You JUST DON’T KNOW.

It confused me.

What I learned is that the feeling of being dressed in other’s judgments,

how ill fitting and stupid they are,

how stiff in hand and odd in color,

is not me at all

What I opened my heart to was reversal possibility.

I feel what I feel and know what I know. Maybe, just maybe,

they don’t. Not really.

Once, no, scores of times I was told it didn’t really happen. I didn’t see what I saw, hear what I heard.

It broke me.

What I learned was how to discern the thin thread of light that comes around the cracks of closed doors,

how to peer into darkness and widen myself.

What I opened my heart to was the true truth, the real truth,

the truth of my skin and what was put on it and what it felt.

My hands know more than tiny lights, more than unseeing eyes.

Thumbprint memories curved into inky rooms.

No erasure.

Once, no, a million times I was told I didn’t count. I didn’t matter. I darkened caves, deepened deserts in years of exile.

It broke me.

What I learned was how to witness a manipulation from afar.

The unmoving shapes of blackmail shadows.

How to slink through a putrid heart.

What I opened my heart to was grief.

Blessed grief that brings the wet spring, the blush of green, the fertile deep.

The dark removal of pain without taking away the wound.

This broke me, too, out and away

from certain imprisonment.

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