You are not my dad
But you have unapologetically
And on multiple stages
Dripped maddening drops of arrogance
Slow erratic rhythm but an entirely contemptuous tone
Perform in front of everyone as if you are dripping benevolence
My ears ring and my heart hurts and I am constantly pissed off at the utter lies, the cruel act, the utter hatred and unhappiness acid drops
It makes me embarrassed to be a woman, to want more than to be someone’s slave
And I hate that feeling, of being ashamed, for wanting to always know what did I do wrong and how can I fix the master’s hatred of me
I am tired of being toxically dripped on and told it is good for me
I am tired of feeling like the only way to cope is to resign
I resign as mother, as woman, as your whipping post
I get tired of trying to make this my power. I feel beaten down.
I am tired of being fucked with and dripped on because I was 1. Born a girl and therefore a disappointment to my father 2. Had too many feelings and other things wrong with me that a man felt it necessary to treat me like an imbecile and apparently still needs to control my somehow less-than-his ass
I am tired of being edged out of my own roles in my own life. I am tired of being targeted for woman-hatred
I did nothing to deserve this sordid trickle down
Have you ever in your life had to deal with someone who wants to make sure you don’t count? Whose entire orientation towards you is one of contempt for BEING? You complete and total mindfuck…who ruined you so?
I am so tired of you preventing women from getting rape kits and you blaming her as if she deserves it and you passing her over because although she is most qualified she is a she, and you taking women to family court, acting like 50/50 makes you holy and gives you the right to impoverish a mother.
When in the HELL has anything been 50/50 between men and women? So why do we have to appease your ego-you who use it to stop child support-by giving you even more control over the family?
Why don’t you be raped, beaten, used, paid less and then we will call it even? Why don’t you have your choices taken away? Why don’t you have people stop caring when you are abused? Why don’t people blame YOU for what has gone on in your life instead of appease your fucking ego all the time? What is FAIR about that?
Isn’t it enough that you have the whole world, a whole culture, your whole family to support you in your quest to eradicate all things woman…all things “mother” and venerate yourself? When does it become enough?
Why don’t you stop for one minute and consider that your sons and daughters see that if you, personally, demean one woman, demean and diminish a mother, you do it to ALL women including your own daughters.
You who treat your own daughters like shit, even by proxy, do not deserve to be fathers.
You are not my dad, but you act like you own me, and act like you have rights to me, and act like my life and everyone else’s is yours to mess up, yours to control and manipulate, yours to judge and criticize and correct, yours to rub into the ground.
Yours to hit, to make lower than you, to make you feel big and strong when you are not.
Fuck you. Fuck you a thousand times, fuck you.