My recent adventures in family court have left me feeling down and lacking hope. There is no denying that the system is broken. Any system that would prefer the wishes of a disordered parent over what is best for a child is irretrievably broken, and bordering on evil because of the deliberate harm. There is a stubbornness in the system, an inability to consider science, an ongoing adherence to false narratives.
I’m being blamed for my daughter waking up. She is being blamed for waking up. She realizes there is something “wrong” with her dad. It’s time to start her education around narcissism. The problem is, we have to do so in hush-hush terms. If we acknowledge the truth of the situation, we will be punished. There is no room for truth in a system that worships the disordered.
We have to get through this with secrecy. I place my mind to years from now when my children are both of legal age, when their dad will have destroyed his relationship with them like he did with me, where we band together to heal from the nightmare he created.
My ex father in law texted me, “responsible adults with parenting skills don’t share their adult problems with children. It just isn’t done.” It was a criticism of me for when I cried in front of my kids over the six motions my ex filed last year at Christmastime. But embedded in his statement is a projection. Adults take care of their mental health so it does not affect their children. Adults get tested and learn to not let their control issues affect their relationships. Adults have remorse, empathy, and can apologize. He can’t and neither can his son. None of them have been “adult” at any time in their lives. They have acted with superiority, contempt, and criticism. They have done nothing of import in their lives to positively impact our world. They have shown that when you make a mess, you don’t clean it up, like a grown up would.
What is left for us is to simply cope with the situation. It’s hard and it’s the first thing on my mind in the morning. I grieve so much that I got involved with a narcissist. I grieve that his narcissism has harmed four children now. I grieve the weak woman I once was.
I’m missing my kids right now. The holidays can be hard.
But my older girls are coming to visit me. We are cooking an Indian feast and enjoying each other. My heart is tired right now and gathering energy for the fights that always come. I will nestle into the love of the season and know it is all going to be ok, even though right now, it is sad.