Sometimes we need a little boost. I finally ended things with the unavailable man. But the breakup triggered my abandonment depression, and even though I know he was not workable in relationship, I found myself triggered into childhood. My compassion for myself comes and goes, and my sweet friends talked me through. Denial and numbness come, for part of me understands that this is about childhood wounds yet I minimize it and say it isn’t that bad and internalize the “it was my fault- I should change” messages.
So I just wanted to put some of the messages I received here as reminders that it wasn’t me, it was him who wasn’t good enough.
“He didn’t abandon you, he was never there.”
“I really do feel bad for him for being so stupid.”
“Thank you for being my friend. I love that you love someone who is so hard to love. And yes you did it with grace. I hate that he didn’t get to see how beautiful you are.”
“I just think some people are damaged in a way that they need kindness and stability to heal. Some are damaged, self-centered, lacking empathy and don’t notice their partner’s needs. I’m not convinced there is any fixing that and I wouldn’t want anyone I care for to be the person sacrificing themselves to try. He just needs a therapist.”
So thanks, friends, for helping me have compassion for myself for being in a hurtful situation.